Ada serombongan manusia yang sedang menunggu masuk di pintu sorga.
Mereka dipanggil masuk satu persatu oleh pejabat malaikat yang bertugas di sana.

Di dinding belakang tergantung puluhan jam dinding sebagaimana layaknya yang terlihat di bandara udara saja. Tetapi ada perbedaannya dengan jam yang ada di dunia ini. Kalau jam di dunia menunjukkan posisi waktu yang berbeda-beda untuk berbagai kota tujuan, jam dinding di sorga juga berbeda kecepatan putarannya.

Salah seorang yang agak bingung bertanya kepada malaikat di sana mengapa hal itu terjadi.

"Oh itu, jam yang tergantung di sana menunjukkan tingkat kejujuran pejabat pemerintah yang ada di dunia sewaktu Anda hidup."
Sang malaikat menjelaskan, "Semakin jujur pemerintahan negara Anda, jam negara Anda disini semakin lambat. Sebaliknya semakin korup pejabat pemerintah negara Anda, semakin cepat pula jalannya."

"Coba lihat," kata seorang yang sedang antri kepada yang lainnya, "jam Philipina berputar kencang. Berarti memang benar Marcos banyak korupsi tuh."

"Itu lagi, itu lagi," seru yang lainnya, "Jam Kongo, negaranya Mobutu Seseseko berputar tidak kalah cepat dari jam Philipina."

Mereka semua terlihat menikmati pengetahuan baru itu. Tapi mereka mencari-cari, dimana gerangan jam Indonesia. Salah seorang dari mereka memberanikan diri menanyakan kepada malaikat tadi.

"Oh, jam Indonesia ..... Kami taruh dibelakang dapur. Sangat cocok dijadikan kipas angin." jawab sang malaikat

kejahatan

diibukota semakin nekat dan brutal sehingga banyak memakan korban yang tidak sedikit jumlahnya berikut ini sekilas cerita nyata yang pantas kita baca.

Situasi:seorang polisi berhasil menangkap seorang pelaku(preman 1) ; kejahatan dengan modus kejahatan penbunuhan keji.

Setelah dibawa kepenjara.......

preman 2:heh...nyet,tau kagak dia baru bunuh 15 orang dalam atu hari....

preman 3:nyang bener njing....gue kagak percaya......

preman 2:elo liat aje sendiri,tatonye aje tulisanye JAGAL ape nggak

serem tuh....pasti die dihukum lebih lame dari kite....

preman 3:iye..ye...kite aje yang tatonye KEMBANG MAWAR aje hukumanye 15 taonan ape lagi die yang tatonye tulisanye JAGAL,pasti dihukum mati...

DUA HARI KEMUDIAN...................

preman 2:eh...nyet,tau nggak elo.....SIJAGAL itu udeh bebas

sekarang...udeh gitu die juga dapet penghargaan dari polisi, gue

denger-denger sih tatonya itu kramat buat die..

preman 3:emangnye kenape ame tatonye die,....?ampe die dapet keringaan kayak gitu...udeh jelas-jelas tatonye die JAGAL pasti lama dong hukumenye...

preman 2:nyet.....sorry ye kemaren mate gue rada siwer,yang gue baca ditanganye kemaren belon selesai baru JAGAL doang ade sambunganye ..., itu gue tau juga pas gue lagi ngintipin die mandi....

preman 3:emang lanjutanye ape njing....??????

preman 2:lanjutanye "JAGALAH KEBERSIHAN".....

Itu die yang buat die cepet bebas...nyet

PDI : Pusing Diobok-obok Intel
CBS : Ciduk - Bunuh - Sekap
DOM : Dianiaya Oleh Militer
BKO : Bukan Komando Ogut (cuci tangan ni yeee....)
SUPERSEMAR : $Uharto PERgi SEmua MelARatHARTA KARUN

ORLA :
Dana REVOLUSI

ORBA :
Dana REBOISASI
Dana JAMSOSTEK
Dana BPPC
Dana DAKAB
Dana Dharmais
Dana JASARAHARJA
Deposita AUSTRIA

ORBALA :
Utang LN (IMF, CGI, World Bank, dll)... bayar tuh.....

KOBOKAN
setting : Kuiz Famili 100

Setelah melalui Babak awal yang menegangkan, ternyata kedua tim belum ada yang mencapai skor 200 sehingga diajukan pertanyaan tambahan.

Sonny membacakan pertanyaannya :
"Sebutkan barang yang paling sering dicari akhir-akhir ini, menurut survey ada 4 jawaban dengan skor tertinggi.

Regu A : Dollar

"Ya... betul sekali, Dollar adalah jawaban tertinggi keempat, skor 5"

Regu A : SEMBAKO

"Ya... betul sekali, SEMBAKO adalah jawaban tertinggi kedua, skor 14"

Regu A : Korset anti Perkosaan

Ya... betul sekali, jawaban tertinggi ketiga dengan skor 10
Tinggal satu lagi jawaban dengan skor tertinggi belum terjawab.

Setelah Regu A gagal tiga kali menebak, maka pertanyaan dialihkan ke Regu B.

Regu B : Korban Penculikan ???

"Mari kita lihat bersama ...." kata Sonny Tulung.
"Survey Membuktikan........".... "Dung....Deng....""Salah........"
Maka Regu A keluar sebagai pemenang dan berhak untuk maju ke babak berikutnya.

"Tapi mari kita lihat bersama.... apa jawaban dengan skor tertinggi dari pertanyaan Barang apa yang paling sering dicari akhir-akhir ini "

"Survey membuktikan"

Lalu di monitor muncullah ..... KOBOKAN.........

OOOOaaallllaaaa.... rupanya banyak orang nyari KOBOKAN karena pingin cuci tangan sekarang iniTetap Semangat INDONESIA !!!!!

Bakso berhadiah traktor

Sabtu sore Si Lanang bersama pacarnya Si Wadon beli bakso di warung "bakso bunder" milik Bang Abang.

Lanang : Bang, bakso satu porsi berapa harganya?

Bang Abang : Murah kok! nak, hanya Rp 500,-

Lanang : Kalo gitu, saya pesan dua Bang!

Sesaat kemudian bakso siap untuk disantap, Si Lanang dan pacarnya menyantap bakso itu. Tetapi ketika Si Lanang sedang enak-enaknya makan bakso, tiba-tiba ia mengigit sesuatu yang amat keras sehingga menimbulkan suara nyaring(klotakk..klotak..kretekk).

Si Lanang menjadi malu, karena ia jadi pusat perhatian orang-orang disekitarnya.

Lanang : Apaan nih! (sambil mengeluarkan isi di mulutnya), Si Lanang menemukan sekrup/baut diantara daging baksonya). Gila bener ada sekrupnya..

Lalu Si Lanang mendatangi Bang Abang. Ia ingin complain/mengadu atas kejadian itu.

Lanang : Bang, Gimana ini!! kok di bakso ada sekrupnya!! (Lanang agak marah)

Bang Abang : Kamu ini Gimana tho! nak, wong bakso cuma Rp 500,- kok! minta bonus Traktor, Ya..sekrupnya saja cukup.. tho...

Dua dagelan ketemu

Konon dulu sebelon jatuh, Marcos sempet ketemu sama PM Malaysia , Mahatir.

Marcos : Encik Mahathir, saya ada pertanyaan buat encik. Kan Malaysia itu negara kerajaan, tiap daerah mempunyai penguasa masing-masing yang punya wewenang masing-masing. Tapi saya jadi heran, koq Encik bisa-bisanya jadi Perdana Menteri dan berkuasa atas sultan dan raja-raja itu?

Mahathir: Wah, Yang Mulia Bapak Presiden... saya sebenarnya malah lebih heran lagi sama Bapak. Philipina kan negara Republik... koq Bapak bisa-bisanya jadi Raja di Philipina....??

PRESIDENTIAL COMPARISON
- Submitted by Ida Baraba

Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

The President's biggest fear....
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President.....
Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
Clinton: Carpet-Burns

Their Vice-Presidents...
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek

Presidential qualities.....
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her

Things the President couldn't explain....
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase

Presidential Nicknames....
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: Slick Willy

and finally, Presidential excuses....
Nixon: I am not a crook
Clinton: I didn't get in her nook

Mr. P : M..... I believe You have already known that banks in Indonesia are rubbish. Would you please perform SAPUJAGAT operation to liquidate all of those stupid banks !

Mr. M : Yes Sir... right away Mr P.

Soon Mr. M liquidated 16 banks including Bank A and Bank J.

Mr. P : Why did you put Bank A and Bank J in your list ? Don't you know those banks are my relatives ?

Mr. M : I know Mr P... but You gave me authorization to perform SAPUJAGAT operation....

Mr P : You are idiot...don't you understand SAPUJAGAT also means SAya PUnya JAngan diganggu guGAT !!!!!

salam humor,...

Di suatu ruangan tertutup, beberapa pimpinan dari beberapa bank swasta telah membuat rencana untuk merger.

Kesulitan mulai timbul, ketika akan dicari nama yang cocok untuk bank hasil merger tersebut.

Semua termenung pada mikir.
Entah dari mana datangnya, tiba-tiba ada suara :
"PANTAT BURIK !!"

Nggak jelas ada apa sebenarnya, suatu usulan nama baru atawa ungkapan kesal akibat krisis moneter.

Selidik punyanya selidik, ternyata bank-bank yang rencananya mau merger tersebut bernama: Bank PApaN, Bank TATa, Bank Bali, UniBank, Bank Rama, Bank Industri dan Bank Kesawan.

A4 bukan F4

The great love that I have for you is gone, and I find my dislike for you grows every day. When I see you, I do not even like your face;
the one thing that I want to do is to look at other girls. I never wanted to marry you. Our last conversation was very boring and has not made me look forward to seeing you again.

You think only of yourself.

If we were married, I know that I would find life very difficult, and I would have no pleasure in living with you. I have a heart to give, but it is not something that I want to give to you. No one is more foolish and selfish than you, and you are not able to care for me and help me.

I sincerely want you to understand that I speak the truth. You will do me a favor if you think this the end. Do not try to answer this. Your letters are full of things that do not interest me. You have no true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me, I do not care for you. Please do not think that I am still your boyfriend.
Now..ONLY read the odd lines...

:)

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.
"Where the hell have you been?!?!"

"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"She sees his hands are covered with powdernd... "You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"

Say this loud in the computer center (or whereever) in the first go! Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends. See owned a saw and Soar
owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw
See's saw, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw before See
saw Soar's seesaw, then See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
But See saw Soar and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's saw, so
See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. It was a shame to let See see Soar
so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the counter for two cans of dog food.

"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.
"Yes I do!" replied the puzzled customer.
"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food."

Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled it on its leash all the way back to the store.

"Here's my dog!" weezed the tired customer.
"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."

Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up to the same clerk and says:

"Two cans of cat food please."
"Do you have a cat sir?"
"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.
"I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you cat food."

The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail for the clerk to
see.

"Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food."

The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approaches the clerk and places on the counter a white shoebox with a small hole on the cover.

"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"
"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.
"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk. "Do as I say!" ordered the guy.

Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.

"Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy
"It looks like SH*T!" said the disgusted clerk; to which the customer replied
"THAT'S RIGHT!!, Now give me two rolls of toilet paper!"

This indain boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"?
Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.

Why is my sister named "Cornflower"?
Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her.

And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?
We were watching the moonlanding while she was conceived.

Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?

Nama Si Kembar
From: Willy Njoo <willy@ei-jkt.expd.com>

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and both you and your wife were unconscious so I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said, "Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew."